i am older.

today i turned 25. it is kinda scary but i feel grateful. i always wished if i could be peter pan and stay as a child or go back to when i was fifteen years old and live a happy life forever, however reality is not like that.

when i look back to my life in the past 24 years, i realize that everything is temporary; people, some things that i cherish so much, tears of joy, sadness, depression, love and even heartbreak. it is true that memories live forever in my head but what can i do with the memories? and what about bad memories?

people and things come and go. and change. they only come to our lives for a while. thinking that everything will stay the same is very naive (i always do that). of course i’ve experienced the loss. losing people who i thought would not leave me; a member of family, friends, even strangers that I don’t really know.

and i realize that i can’t depend on something, i must depend on myself. and i am the one who decides my happiness. today in my birthday, i promise to myself that i won’t depend my happiness on someone else, and i want to be more mature in making decisions. i want to be healthier physically and mentally and find my peace. that’s my purpose.

How I spend my quarantine days during the pandemic

Before I start, I know it’s been a very long time since my last post (about 4 years?) many things happened in my life that’s why I’d like to make a small update about my recent life, anyways. as we all spend most of our time by staying at home for a few months because of COVID-19, in this post I’m going to list the things that I do at home during this pandemic. The first thing that comes to my mind now is writing a new blog post lol. someday I woke up feeling bored and start thinking about restoring my WordPress account and make a new blog post, so here it is! finally a new content for my blog.

Mostly I stay on the bed I spend my time learning Japanese. FYI, I’ve been interested in Japanese for years but haven’t had a chance to learn it. I started learning Japanese seriously at the beginning of Ramadan. I was planning to learn Korean and Spanish altogether but I decided to go with Japanese first. well, I learn it at home by myself so my progress is not really significant each day. but, thanks to my effort now I can at least read hiragana and katakana and a few kanjis –although I still can’t write kanjis lol. I purchased two books for basic Japanese called Marugoto and they help so much in practicing to write the words, and I’ve been using Duolingo as well which helps me a lot in structuring a sentence.

Enough with the Japanese thing, during this pandemic, I decided to buy some flower seeds (sunflower, dianthus, strawflower, and succulents) and vegetables (mustard greens). its been about more or less 9 days since I planted them. some of them have begun to grow especially the mustard greens. but I’m skeptical about the sunflower seed since I might planted them in a wrong way lol. but I just have to wait and see how it goes.

Other than that, I also try to get myself back at sketching. I remember that I was so into drawing years ago but so less practice and I’m not gifted at all. my drawing is so bad and I don’t think I have progressed at all. that is why I decided to practice sketching once more. thankfully I still have the blank sketchbook that I bought three years ago. haha! I hope it will work out this time.

Actually most of the time I spend my days playing mobile games such as Hay day (always my favorite), Mystic Messenger and Mr love: dream date and sometimes the sims 4 on my pc. I really want to play Animal crossing since people seem to like it so much but unfortunately, I have no Nintendo. I also watch some episodes of Criminal Minds and finished Bungo Stray Dogs and Tokyo Ghoul: re. and sometimes I play with my niece and nephew to get through my days. that’s pretty much what I do during staying at home though.

However, the most important thing that I do nowadays is looking for a job. FYI, I just graduated last month and I’m supposed to get a real job now. working as a freelancer is kinda suck and unstable so I hope this year I will finally get the real job that I would enjoy doing it. this pandemic kinda slows my life down (well my life is already slow anyway) but I won’t complain much since everyone’s lives have also impacted by it. I just hope this pandemic will end soon and we can get back to our normal life. I also pray for all the medical workers that work their as** off in the front-line for us. so stay safe, healthy, and stay at home everyone! I hope you enjoy reading this small post from me.